If this is love then kill me now

Hard

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 20:01:46 GMT

One-shot.

Draco wakes up to an empty bedroom and a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. His and Harry's relationship has turned to crap, and he gets an unexpected message that tears him apart.

Hard

The sun was shining through a crack in the curtains, the bedroom illuminated by the morning light. Draco shifted in his sleep, slowly waking to an empty room. He stretched his hands across the mattress beside him, groping for a body that wasn’t there. He fisted the pillow in his hand and opened his eyes. He turned his head stared at the pile of twisted sheets beside him. He glanced at the clock; it was 7:30 in the morning. Harry was never up this early. The groggy blonde man looked around the room, but there was no sign of his boyfriend. He thought back to the night before and cringed at the memory; they had been fighting again. It seemed like that was all they did lately, screaming and yelling and slamming doors and hurting each other. The relationship wasn’t what it used to be, but Draco was sure they would get through it eventually.

“I don’t even know if this is worth it anymore!” Harry yelled as he slammed the cupboard door shut, pouring himself a tall glass of vodka.

“If it’s not fucking worth it then leave!” Draco yelled back from where he was sitting in the living room. “I’m sick of you making me feel like shit!”

“Me? ME?! ME MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT?” Harry stomped into the living room and glared at the blonde on the couch. “BULLSHIT!”

“Oh right, I forgot that this was all my fault.” Draco snapped, standing from the couch and leaving the room.

“Don’t walk away from me!” Harry yelled, but his boyfriend didn’t turn back. “I said don’t walk away from me!” Harry dropped his glass to the ground and it shattered. He stepped forward, gripped the blonde’s shoulder and turned him around roughly.

“Don’t touch me.” Draco glared at the angry man.

“Fuck you!” Harry yelled, slamming his fist hard into the wall beside Draco’s head, causing his boyfriend to close his eyes tightly in fear.

Draco slipped out of the bed and looked around the empty room once more. Perhaps Harry hadn’t even come to bed last night, he couldn’t remember. He was most likely asleep on the couch in the basement. He’d already moved most of his clothes down there, and with the number of nights he had spent in their bedroom recently it was as though he was a tenant in the house, and nothing more. He walked to the dresser and grabbed a pair of pants, slipping them on carelessly as he searched for his belt. He grabbed a folded T-shirt from the stack of clothes on the chair in the corner and slipped it over his head.

The room seemed so cold these days; the whole house was missing the warmth it once had.

Draco wandered over to the door to the en suite bathroom and listened for the sound of the shower. The room was silent. He pushed open the door and looked around. Harry’s toothbrush and deodorant were missing from the counter, his towel no longer hanging beside the shower. Draco sighed and brushed his hair quickly. He stared at the mirror, the man looking back at him seemingly nothing more than an empty shell. His eyes were hollow, and his cheeks looked sunken in. They had to fix this, and fix it soon, or they would never be able to get back to what they had. Draco thought back to the times when being in each other’s arms was perfection, even when the world around them was falling apart. He felt as though he was about to cry but he held it in.

Draco held Harry close as they sat there on the floor. The dark-haired boy pressed his face hard into his boyfriend’s torso and continued to cry, fisting the now soaked T-shirt in his hands. Draco breathed deeply, willing himself not to break down. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of the boy’s head and whispered what he hoped were soothing words. They were sitting alone an empty hallway of the school that they had called home for seven years. Once again the pressure of the war had dissolved Harry into a fit of tears, and Draco was left to pick up the pieces. It wasn’t that he minded being there for the boy, but his heart felt as though it was being ripped from his chest and stomped on each time he saw his boyfriend cry.

“We can’t do this.” Harry sobbed into the blonde boy’s shirt. “We can’t. It’s…it’s bad enough that we…that we have to fight without worrying about...”

“Harry don’t.” The boy whispered.

“No…no listen. I…we can’t.” Harry stuttered as he lifted his head. “I’m…I’m like an atomic bomb. I just…I just fuck everything up."

“If you’re an atomic bomb then I’m your light.” Draco heard his voice crack. “We’ll explode together.”

Harry, still crying, brought his lips to Draco’s neck and kissed him gently. He nuzzled his face against the pale flesh and exhaled gently, giving Draco chills. The tears slowly stopped and the boys spent the remainder of the night entwined their on the floor in each other’s arms.

Draco walked back into the bedroom and looked around once more. He hated this room now. It used to be his sanctuary, the place he came when nothing made sense, and now it was the one place he would do anything to avoid. If it weren’t for the fact that he could get no sleep in any of the other rooms in the house he wouldn’t sleep there at all, but he had no choice. Stepping up to the window Draco looked down at the street. The couple that lived across the street was walking along hand in hand, their new puppy running up ahead chasing a squirrel. Draco watched them laugh and smile at each other, his heart aching at the sight.

The blonde man walked over to the door and stepped quietly into the hall. He froze. Three lines were painted over the wall across from him in large black letters. The paint was still wet, and dripping down onto the floor. He felt sick as he read the words to himself, over and over again, trying to make sense of what was happening. There was no way it could be real.

I’ll miss you hard enough to hide it.
I need you hard enough to try.
I love you hard enough to move on.

Draco leaned back against the closed bedroom door and sank to the ground, staring at the dripping words in front of him. Harry was gone. He didn’t want to work through this, he just wanted to end it. No, this couldn’t be right. Draco shook his head as he stared at the words, not willing to believe that it was real. He jumped to his feet and rushed down the stairs. The kitchen was empty, the living room was empty, the study was empty and so was Harry’s desk. His shoes were gone, his coat hook was empty and Draco was alone. So that was it, it was over, and he didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

The blonde man wandered through the empty house, searching through room after room for any sign that this was all a joke. The sun set and he still hadn’t been able to accept the fact that Harry was really gone. He collapsed on the couch in the living room and thought back the last words they had said to each other, just after they had finished yelling the night before.

“I’m sorry for all this.” Harry said quietly, looking down at the blonde from where he was sitting on the stairs.

“Don’t be, it’s not all you.” Draco tried to smile.

“I love you, you know.” Harry looked away from his boyfriend.

“I know you do. I love you too.” Draco moved up the stairs and sat beside the defeated looking man.

“I’ve made this hell.” Harry looked down at his hands in his lap.

Draco gripped the man’s hands in his and moved closer to him, his voice barely above a whisper. “We’ll make this the best hell the world’s ever seen."

“Well we’ve done our best.” Harry said, placing a gentle kiss on his boyfriend’s hands and walking down to the kitchen. Draco sat there alone for a minute before going up to bed. He didn’t hear the words Harry spoke to the empty room as he looked out the kitchen window. “We’ve done our best…so now I’m leaving.”

Kristi's addicted to photo manipulations!

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 05:49:43 GMT

That's right. I'm hooked. 'cept I'm afraid to even attempt one of them kissing. I'll fail miserably and it will look horrible. Anyway, as far as my first ever try at this I'd say they look pretty good. :]

Now I'm off to make more and avoid writing. Gah. I wanted to update Everything Crumbles tonight. Hm.

Enjoy the Silence

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 12:58:28 GMT

One-shot

Harry's just returned from a midnight stroll when Cedric catches him unawares in an empty hall, and a memorable night is spent in an abandoned classroom. Enjoy The Silence

Harry stepped inside the castle, checking to ensure that the material of his invisibility cloak covered his entire body. He had just returned from a nighttime walk around the lake, something he enjoyed doing from time to time. Being out by the water helped him to think things through; it seemed to be the only place where his mind was not fogged by everything that was going on. He pulled his map quickly from his pocket, scanning it quickly to ensure that Filch was a safe distance away from him before he continued across the entrance hall and up the staircase. The castle was quiet and dark, just the way he liked it. Harry’s footsteps echoed through the empty stone corridors, though he wasn’t concerned, as he was sure that there was no one within hearing range. He was, however, proven quite wrong when, at that exact moment, Cedric Diggory stepped out into the hallway, colliding hard with the invisible Gryffindor.

Harry froze, choking on his own breath as he tried with all his might to stay on his fight. He steadied himself quickly, watching Cedric closely and praying that he would continue on his way. Cedric’s eyes scanned the hallway in front of him repeatedly. He turned slightly, staring hard in Harry’s direction before scanning the rest of the hallway once more and turning away from where Harry stood. Harry exhaled slowly, happy to have escaped being caught beneath his cloak for what seemed like the millionth time. He closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to calm his nerves and, just as he was about to step forward and continue on to the Gryffindor dormitory, Harry was thrown hard against the stone wall behind him. His invisibility cloak was ripped off him in one smooth movement as a strong arm across his chest held him hard against the rough stone, embedding it painfully into his back.

Harry’s eyes remained closed as he fought to breathe in spite of the immense pressure being placed on his chest. Once he had regained his ability to breathe normally Harry looked up to see none other than Cedric Diggory staring down at him with a rather amused expression etched across his face. Harry grinned nervously up at the handsome Hufflepuff, trying to think of something, anything he could say that would make the tall boy remove his arm from where it was firmly planted beneath his collarbone.

“Nice night for a stroll through the castle, Potter.” Cedric murmured as he pressed his body closer to Harry’s, pushing him even harder against the wall.

“Indeed.” Harry replied shakily, his voice raspy from an extreme lack of air.

Cedric’s grin widened as he shifted his leg, pressing his knee into Harry’s groin with a fair amount of pressure. Harry’s eyes widened in alarm, as he gulped loudly, pondering whether or not it would be worth struggling against the Hufflepuff’s grip. Harry shifted his hips in a weak attempt at escape, but all he succeeded in doing was rubbing himself against Cedric’s knee. The handsome youth chuckled deeply at Harry’s sharp intake of breath. Harry closed his eyes quickly; unsure of what exactly the boy pressed tightly against him was trying to accomplish.

“Why struggle?” The words were whispered in Harry’s ear, Cedric’s warm breath grazing his neck lightly. A small tremor shook Harry as the hairs on his neck slowly stood on end.

“I er…well…” Harry fumbled for an answer. His mind was completely blank, and he found himself focusing solely on Cedric’s steady breathing warming his skin.

“My thoughts, exactly.” Cedric’s lips brushed lightly against Harry’s ear at the whispered words, Harry’s body shaking even more intensely beneath the taller boy.

Cedric’s lips brushed the smooth skin of Harry’s neck ever so slightly, a ghost of a kiss causing Harry’s legs to shake, threatening to give out beneath him. The ghostly kisses continued down the length of his neck, stopping at the collar of his shirt, the weight against the raven-haired boy’s chest never decreasing. Harry could hardly breathe, his mind flooded with a million different sensations at once. He tried to sort out what exactly was going on, unsure of exactly how he had gone from a lonely walk around the lake to this. Unable to form an entire thought Harry opened his mouth, the first words he could think of spilling from his lips before he had time to stop himself.

“What’re you on?” Harry coughed, shifting his hips once more and regretting it instantly.

Cedric stopped what he was doing, his entire body stiffening as he slowly raised his head, looking Harry in the eye with his lips parted slightly. The two boys stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity. Harry knew that their eyes couldn’t remain locked forever, he knew that this strange moment in time would soon come to an end and he could continue on as though it had never happened; he knew it, but he couldn’t feel it, and the waiting was the most excruciating part. Cedric dropped his eyes after a moment more, and Harry exhaled as well as he could with the intense weight still placed against his chest. He was sure that Cedric was about to go back to whatever it was he had been doing, and he was certainly looking forward to returning to his dormitory. All he wanted to do at the moment was to sleep off the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, and try his best to forget that this had ever happened.

However, instead of stepping back from the Gryffindor, Cedric pushed closer still, his hand slipping beneath the hem of Harry’s shirt to brush the soft skin beneath his navel. Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, and his knees shook once more beneath him. He felt a deep chuckle erupt in Cedric’s chest as he raised his head slowly, causing their eyes to meet once more. The handsome Hufflepuff was smiling this time as he gazed down at the helpless Gryffindor who was still finding it quite hard to focus. He brought their faces closer together so that their lips were no more than an inch apart, and then he spoke.

“I believe I have made exactly what I am up to quite clear.” Cedric whispered, his words hardly audible over Harry’s heavy panting breaths. “In the end, it’s really up to you.”

“I…”Harry stuttered, unsure of what his opinion of the whole situation really was. His eyes drifted across Cedric’s face, taking in every detail, from his brilliant eyes to the sharp curves of his jaw line, landing finally on his lips, which were pale pink and still slightly parted. Without another moment’s delay Harry closed the small distance between them, crashing his chapped lips hard against Cedric’s.

The arm that was bracing Harry against the wall dropped suddenly, moving instead to grip at the back of Harry’s shirt as he returned the kiss with equal force, his tongue sneaking past his own lips and brushing teasingly against Harry’s. The boy’s lips parted and a battle of tongues ensued almost instantly. The hand still resting lightly beneath Harry’s navel made its way slowly up Harry’s chest, his fingers drawing circles on the tanned skin. Harry moaned softly, his own hands gripping Cedric’s shoulders tightly, trying to pull him as close as humanly possible. Cedric hissed against Harry’s lips as his nails embedded themselves deep into the skin of his shoulders, pulling back slightly and slamming him hard against the stone wall. His strong hands made their way back down the young man’s chest, his left hooking itself in the belt loop of Harry’s jeans and tugging slightly as his right brushed repeatedly across Harry’s groin pretending to fumble with the zipper of the boys pants.

“Damn you.” Harry muttered as he ended the kiss, dragging his lips slowly across Cedric’s jaw and down his neck, lingering on his pulse and sucking lightly at the heated flesh. Cedric's breathing became shallow as Harry continued to focus all his attention on that painfully sensitive spot on his neck. Deciding he could no longer stand the wait he grasped the zipper of Harry’s pants firmly, undoing the button and unzipping them quickly all in one smooth motion. He gripped Harry’s package in the palm of his hand, rubbing it firmly as he coaxed to Gryffindor’s lips back to his. Harry caught Cedric’s bottom lip between his teeth, biting down hard enough to draw blood. The Hufflepuff retaliated by slamming the Gryffindor once more into the wall, his head smacking hard against the cold stone. Harry brought his hands down to Cedric’s chest, pushing him hard and sending him to the other side of the hall. Cedric looked up at the emerald eyes, a mixture of lust and confusion evident on his face.

“We can’t do this here.” Harry breathed heavily, looking around the deserted hallway as though he expected half the student body to jump out of the shadows and begin yelling obscenities at the pair.

Cedric followed Harry’s gaze as though he too was expecting the entourage of hate before stepping forward and grabbing Harry by the collar of his shirt, pulling him through a dark doorway. With a flick of his wand the few torches hanging from the stone walls were lit, illuminating the dusty room with a flash of flames. The room was empty save for a wooden crate in the far corner. Harry seemed satisfied with the change in location and wasted no time in throwing Cedric hard against the wall, ripping his shirt over his head as he did so. He proceeded to undo the tall boy’s pants and pull them down, along with his boxers as he kissed him in earnest. Cedric pulled Harry’s boxes over his hips, pushing them quickly down his legs along with his pants, which had already slipped halfway to the floor.

“Have you ever…?” Cedric questioned the Gryffindor breathlessly, their erections brushing against each other and eliciting low moans from both boys.

“No.” Harry answered flatly, moving closer to the body he longed to touch.

Cedric smiled gently down at the Gryffindor, lifting his head slightly with a sole finger placed below his chin and kissing him softly. He ducked to the ground, grabbing his wand from within the mess of clothes on the floor, and conjuring a blanket on the grimy floor. He stood once more and wrapped his arms around Harry, moving him forward and lowering him to the thick material lying flat on the cold stone. He looked deeply into those emerald eyes once more before lowering himself to the boy, their bodies seeming to become one as he kissed his way slowly down the Gryffindor’s neck. He nipped playfully at his shoulder blades, and Harry moaned deeply, whipping his head from side to side as yet another tremor shook his body. Cedric smiled against Harry’s skin and continued leaving burning kisses across Harry’s chest. He flicked his tongue lightly across Harry’s nipple before seizing it between his teeth.

“Fuck you.” Harry hissed, the line between pain and pleasure blurring almost instantly.

Harry felt Cedric smile against his skin as he released the hardened nub, “Well that’s the point now, isn’t it?” His lips moved against Harry’s flesh, his body shaking with chills once more.

“I suppose so…yes…” Harry answered the clearly rhetorical question in some hopes of delaying the torturous teasing Cedric was putting him through.

Cedric simply smiled once more as his tongue passed over the yet untouched flesh of Harry’s other nipple, relishing in the quiet moans of the boy beneath him. He bit down hard on the sensitive flesh before moving his lips further down the boy’s chest, leaving behind a small trail of bite marks. He slowed his pace once more upon reaching the small trail of hair that lead to Harry’s erection. He nipped lightly at the soft skin surrounding his bellybutton, dipping his tongue quickly inside. Harry moaned once more, shifting slightly beneath Cedric, his erection brushing the base of the Hufflepuff’s neck. Cedric continued teasing Harry’s skin lightly as he brought of his left hand to grip the base of Harry's cock. Harry’s head shot up, and watched Cedric with lust-hazed eyes, entirely nonsensical sounds escaping his lips.

Cedric lifted his lips from the Gryffindor’s skin, his tongue sliding across them slowly as he looked up at the moaning boy’s face, amusement evident on his own. He lowered his mouth slowly to Harry’s erection, swirling his tongue teasingly around the tip. Never breaking eye contact, he brought his lips down upon the sensitive flesh, swallowing it to the hilt in one swift motion. Harry bucked lightly beneath him, thrashing his head from side to side, finally breaking eye contact with the seductive Hufflepuff. Cedric brought his hands up to Harry’s hips, holding them firmly to the ground as he slowly withdrew, his teeth grazing Harry’s length lightly as he went.

“God Ced…ced…ohshitfuckingbuggeri’llkillyou.” The words spilled from Harry’s lips amidst moans and grunts. Cedric felt himself hardening even more at the sound as he continued sucking needfully on Harry’s cock.

Harry's body stiffened slightly as Cedric brought him closer and closer to the edge. Every muscle in his body seemed to tense, and just when he thought he was about to achieve the release he so desperately desired, Cedric withdrew his lips. Harry protested slightly, his nails digging into Cedric’s shoulders painfully once more. Cedric ignored the sting as he moved slowly up Harry’s body, dragging his lips lightly across the trail of bite marks he had left behind. Their lips met once more, tongues battling fiercely as Cedric grabbed his wand. He withdrew from the kiss almost instantly and sat up so that he was straddling Harry’s waist. He held out his left hand, pointing his wand purposefully at it, a jet of clear gel shooting out into his waiting palm.

“Lift up.” Cedric spoke softly as he shifted off of Harry’s hips, sitting on his knees. The boy listened obediently, lifting his hips so that Cedric could slide beneath him until the boy’s legs were wrapped loosely around Cedric’s back. “Relax.”

“I…I am.” Harry whispered in reply, his voice catching slightly as he felt Cedric’s right hand move to his entrance. A cold, lube-slicked finger gently pushed inside of Harry, a slight burning erupting within him.

“Just breathe.” Cedric murmured soothingly, watching the boy beneath him as he slowly shifted his finger within him. Pain was quickly replaced by pleasure, a look of pure bliss flashing quickly across Harry’s face.

Cedric smiled slightly as he pressed his second slicked finger to Harry’s entrance, though it faded at the feel of the boy tensing beneath him. Cedric lowered his head slightly, kissing the inside of Harry’s left thigh in a comforting manner. Harry’s eyelids fluttered open and he locked eyes with Cedric. His eyes were emotionless for what seemed like an eternity before he nodded his head slightly, a brickk wall seeming to break down in the emerald pools as Cedric saw nothing but trust reflected back at him. He pushed the second finger in, stopping at Harry’s hiss of pain as he scissored his fingers apart. He waited until he felt the boy relax around him again before pushing a third finger into his opening, stretching slowly, carefully.

“Are you okay?” Cedric whispered as he looked down at the Gryffindor in concern.

“I’m fine.” Harry replied quietly.

Cedric questioned him silently as he prepared himself for entrance, rubbing the remainder of the lubricant along his own erection. Harry nodded his head slightly, granting Cedric permission to continue on with what he was doing. Cedric shifted beneath Harry, lowering his chest so that he was mere inches from the Gryffindor’s lips. He lifted Harry’s right leg gently, hooking it over his elbow as he moved forward slowly, guiding himself into Harry’s entrance. He pushed himself inside Harry tentatively, becoming still at the Gryffindor’s sharp intake of breath. He moved his hand up Harry’s side, lacing the boy’s fingers with his as he pushed further on until he was entirely inside of him. Movement ceased as the boys stared at each other, their eyes locked, conveying countless emotions.

Harry shifted his hips, urging Cedric on as he fisted his free hand in Cedric’s hair, pulling his lips toward his own, engaging him in a languid kiss. Cedric withdrew himself slowly from Harry’s warmth, pushing in once more without a moment’s delay. Harry moaned into Cedric’s mouth, clenching his teeth hard on his bottom lip again. Withdrawing his shaft once more Cedric plunged deep within the boy, causing him to thrash violently beneath him, an odd combination of moans and curses filling the room as he did so.

“Fuck…yes…” Harry’s words were almost entirely inaudible amidst his moans.

Cedric, however, heard him loud and clear, his pace quickening almost immediately. He thrust hard against the young man beneath him, their bodies seemingly melding in to one as they moved together, kissing and moaning against each other’s lips. Harry gripped Cedric’s hand harder, nearly crushing his fingers as every muscle in his body tensed. He felt an intense ache bubbling in the pit of his stomach, his mouth now open in a silent scream of euphoria as he reached his climax. Cedric reached his release just moments later, the full weight of his body falling on Harry’s chest. They lay still for quite some time, their chests heaving against one another. Cedric lifted his head from where it was resting just below Harry’s right shoulder, and placed a light kiss on the underside of his lover’s jaw. Harry smiled lightly with his eyes shut, basking in the afterglow. They lay entwined in the filthy room, thinking of nothing but each other, their fingers still laced together tightly at their sides, enjoying the silence.

“Get up!” a loud, and highly unwelcome voice disturbed the peaceful air that had settled over the room. “Get up! You’ll be late.”

Harry’s eyes fluttered open, squinting tightly at the sun that was invading his sleeping quarters through the opening in his hangings. Ron was standing there shoving his books unceremoniously into his bag. Harry looked around him silently, the fact that he was in his dormitory, not an abandoned room, slowly registering in his mind.

“I…I’m not feeling well Ron. I’ll be along later maybe.” Harry said to his friend as he lay back down.

“Well alright mate.” Ron nodded walking towards the dormitory door. He turned back for a moment, his hand on the handle and looked at Harry concernedly “You ought to tell Dumbledore about the dreams you’ve been having. They must be right horrible. You keep waking me in the night.”

Harry sighed to himself, knowing full well that these dreams were not something anyone need know about, especially Dumbledore. He closed his eyes, images of every night him and Cedric had spent together before his death flooding his mind. He lay still, enjoying the silence of the empty dormitory, and indulging in every detailed memory, shivering at every ghostly moan that echoed in his ears.